Dharmajam's Blog

sadie needs to write a book
May 15, 2011, 7:29 pm
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Sadie is one of those people who inspire.  She is a muse.  One of my best pieces came out of our first conversation.  Today, she inspired me to go a step further in my committment to creating a core in my children that will put them “beyond manipulation.”  The book she is destined to compose must certainly be thus titled.

She talked about not “dealing in good and bad,” in her parenting.  That her best ‘No’ does not contain any anger. The task of Mother is not to mitigate a child’s frustration and anger, nor to emphasize or inflate feelings of elation and congratulations. Rather, the task is to empathize while clearly marking a boundary of what is, and what is not, “possible.” For instance, if the answer is ‘no’ to eating even more vitamins and a tantrum ensues, the response is simply, “I can understand why that is frustrating for you.  However, that is just the way it is.”

This was so liberating for me to hear. I have long been uncomfortable with boundry-less, lienient parenting. I am nearly everyday appalled at the disrespectful behavior parents let slide. The flourishing selfishness, and perhaps even narcicism,  may cause the parent to become angry at the child, or intensify the effort to give more ‘freedom’ in hopes of securing the child’s affection.

However, it has been a personal struggle to set boundaries without feeling like a mean person. There was some kind of passion attached to my ‘no’s’ and my ‘yes’es.’ Why should it make me angry that my little ones are testing the limitations of the world? Why take it as a personal affront that they didn’t want to do what I wanted them to do? Was it that my security in my own boundaries was questionable? Was my actual self somehow invalidated by the so-called-disobedience of my children? Exciting questions no doubt.

But the most exciting possibility is the chance to give my children, as Sadie put it, “a chance at a real life.”  Which is the opportunity to embrace life with a dispassionate inner compass, directing right and wrong behavior, rather than at the mercy of being perceived as either good or bad and therefore open to any kind of manipulation humanity has to offer them.


mind indulgence
May 2, 2011, 9:05 pm
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life in my lego castle?

knights who until recently

said nee, please meet f. kafka

in the lasagna lounge at bhajan-time.

Techno Bad
May 1, 2011, 10:43 pm
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I’m just trying to remember whether, as a child, I ever commanded a friend to “pause the game” because I had to leave the room?

It struck me as too futuristic when I heard it today from Em.

Is it watching movies that does it?